Wednesday, 15 October 2014


Today, October 15th, is the day that people around the world stop at 7pm to remember their babies that are are no longer earthside. Sadly, we fall into this group. A group that is massive in volume. A group that nobody should have to belong to. A group I wouldn't wish being part of on my worst enemy. No parent should have to endure the pain that the loss of a baby brings. It is devastating, to say the least. 
In May last year, Channy & I headed to our 12 week scan with all the excitement that is necessary for parents-to-be, and then some. Only to walk out of that tiny little room a change couple. A couple that didn't want to face the harsh light of day and the reality that our baby would never witness it. It was a heart-crushing moment to see that teensy tiny blob on the screen in place of what should have been a moving little baby with limbs and a heartbeat. I knew as soon as the image came up that something was terribly wrong. We don't know what happened to our precious little bean. We don't know for certain if it was a boy or girl. But we felt the pain of a billion knives being driven into our hearts, and twisted upon entry. 
I know far too many people who have lost babies, at various stages or pregnancy and post natal. It's just not fair! Nothing more can be said except the world is a fucked up place sometimes!
So today we remember our little jelly bean, and wonder what might have been...but at the same time we reflect on the fact that if we hadn't have suffered such a tragedy, we wouldn't have our precious little Luca filling our lives with love and light! 

Whilst I am speaking of loss, 2 weeks ago today, we suffered a great loss in our lives. Channy's Great Grandmother Esther passed away after putting up one hell of a fight to stick around! She was an amazing lady, and one I am so grateful to have welcomed me into her family. She was a beautiful soul who so dearly loved her family, and was completely besotted with Luca. We would visit her at least two Monday's a month when we didn't have my kids, and let me tell you that woman was a hoot! The funeral was held last Tuesday, and was a beautiful service, filled with memories of a lady loved by all. Channy's Nana, Margaret, asked me to speak on her behalf, and I can tell you I have never felt so honoured or part of a family in my life! I feel more a part of this amazing family than I do my own. It was hard to get up and say things that were so meaningful to someone else, especially because they meant so much to me too. Esther's passing has left a massive hole in everyone's lives, and she will be sadly missed :-( 
So in a nutshell, the first post I've done in months is one filled with sadness, but if it's the last one I do for another 4 months, it was important.

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